Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Not sure if I'll ever be a Marathoner!

The longer I go on, the more I think that maybe my dreams of running a full Marathon will never happen!  It's been a while since I have ran.  The last time I did, my knees were screaming at me.  I'm scared that I've royally screwed them up!  I keep telling myself to rest and take it easy and time will heal them.  Easier said than done!  Since January 1st, I have been on a low carb, low sugar diet to help me shed the extra poundage that i accrued this last year.  It's working, slowly.  I'm working out in the gym with the elliptical, treadmill & bike.  It's only a matter of time before this lovely snow covered ground will melt away and I will start getting the itch to get out there again.  I'm sitting here now, looking up at the beautiful 3 medals that are hanging on my wall, & it saddens me that maybe that part of my life is over.  Will I fulfill my dream?  I hope so.  It's definitely on the bucket list.  A friend of mine has motivated me to keep blogging.  I know it's been a while, but I'm going to try my best to continue and hopefully blogging will motivate me even more to continue the Marathon journey! 

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

If you want to be happy....

So this is my favorite song right now on my Ipod.....Jimmy Soul!  I am such a vintage lover...even in music!  Every once in a while you just need to switch things up, & I ran into this so it's my new thing!  It came in handy tonight too during my 3 miles.  I tell ya, I am having one heck of a time increasing my endurance.  When this song came on it helped me push through and run a little extra than I was really wanting to!

Saturday, September 22, 2012

The Land of Misery

"You have to wonder at times what you're doing out there. Over the years, I've given myself a thousand reasons to keep running, but it always comes back to where it started. It comes down to self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement."
Steve Prefontaine
Every person who has ever been a runner has felt it.  Even people that may not be runners, but have been consistent in exercise, have also felt it.  The LAND OF MISERY.  This is what I call the period when you have lost all of your endurance because you have some sort of excuse, & then try to start again.  It's misery in the beginning.  You can't breathe.  You can't walk without feeling the lactic acid throughout your entire body.  And forget about running, because those 15 pound lead shoes are not going to get you anywhere!  My intercostal muscles hurt from breathing too hard!  So, that's what I'm going through right now...the land of misery!  My first week down & I have to say that I'm not impressed with myself.  I'm pushing through it because I know all too well what happens on the other side of misery.  For the time though, it stinks. 
For my first week, I ran/walked 8 miles and hiked a bit.  I'm not really impressed with my achievement, so I'm just going to repeat the first week before I even begin to increase my mileage.  I'm finally able to jog a full 1.25 miles before I stop and walk for a couple of minutes.  And in the process, I'm going to try & work on this extra 15 pounds of lovin' that I enjoyed putting on.  I say enjoyed because frankly, I love food.  One of the great things about training is that you eventually don't really have to worry about the carbs that you shove in your mouth!  I have to lose it first though because if I start having that attitude now, I'm surely not going to get anywhere.       

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Two Feet In!

"You also need to look back, not just at the people who are running behind you but especially at those who don't run and never will... those who run but don't race...those who started training for a race but didn't carry through...those who got to the starting line but didn't in the finish line...those who once raced better than you but no longer run at all. You're still here. Take pride in wherever you finish. Look at all the people you've outlasted."
- Joe Henderson
This week started my "official" training for my next half-marathon!  I'm anxious that I won't be able to do it.  It doesn't really matter how good I get, I will always be anxious.  Today is 3 miles!  There was a time in my life when I would say, "today is a short run, it's only 3 miles", but that is not the case these days.  Three seems like so far, but I know it's really not.  The other day my friend & I did 3 and afterwards we were giving ourselves a pat on the back for finishing & I said, "just 10 more to go & we would have done our half".  HAHA!  When you put it that way, it seems like 3 really isn't very much!  I'm definitely 2 feet into this training again.   
My first week of training got jumbled around a little because Chicken Legs & I went on a little anniversary get-away to the awesome area of Mountain Home, Arkansas.  Can you say....BEAUTIFUL!  The town is a nice town, but it's what you find on the outskirts that pulls you to this place.  Two great lakes, tons of trails, the White River (my favorite), trout fishing, antique name it, they have it.  Not to mention the beautiful landscape you see.  So, instead of running one of the days we were there (like I was supposed to), we did hike a bit.  We were also so busy doing things that we were exhausted every night when we got back to our cabin.  Time really does fly when you're having fun though, so now it's back to the real world!  I'm so glad we made ourselves go.  That is something we talked about while we were there.  Every year at this time it seems like our funds are a little short.  I blame it on school starting (seems like the best thing to blame it on).  We were wondering if we should spend the extra to go or not & finally Chicken Legs decided that we were, because the last few years we haven't done much for our Anniversary.  So, we decided that we should cherish our marriage & do something important every year.  We know we love each other & that isn't it, but sometimes you get so wrapped up in being a mom & dad, doing daily chores, work, etc....that you don't give 100% to being a husband & wife, mainly because you just know that person is there.  But when you are away from the hum-drum normal routine & you get to be together and laugh with and at each other, you remember exactly why you fell in love with that person, no matter how much you have both changed.  So, I had a great time as you can see in the pics!


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Running hurts again!

"The body does not want you to do this. As you run, it tells you to stop but the mind must be strong. You always go too far for your body. You must handle the pain with strategy...It is not age; it is not diet. It is the will to succeed"
Jacqueline Gareau

I wish I could say that for the last year while trying to have a baby & going to Nursing School, that I have continued to run.  However, that is not the case!!  I have lost my endurance & it just plain sucks!!  Nursing school...finished.  Baby??  Still no baby & we have decided we are done with fertility treatments for the time.  It's stressful, it's expensive, & it turns a person into the psycho they have wished not to be.  We are dealing.  I'm not going to lie, it's hard.  Babies, babies, are EVERYWHERE!!  I love them.....but, that does not stop my heart from hurting.  Anyway, onward with this conversation to myself!  HAHA!  I've decided that once again, I am in need of some running "therapy".  What better way to get myself going (& hopefully lose this extra 15 pounds), than to start training again.  Let me tell you though, it's NO easy feat.  I once again find myself very negative, even in the first mile.  My lungs hurt, my legs hurt, & I scream QUIT at myself continuously.  But I have that one thing that is keeping me going......that is, that feeling that you know will eventually appear as my endurance builds.  My lungs will stop hurting.  My legs??  Well, they will always hurt (esp. the knees).  I'm going to work on that though!  I will once again get into a rhythm when I run & it will be AWESOME!  I will feel the highest I have ever felt.  I will be able to blow off some steam that stays in this brain of mine.  I miss that feeling.  I miss half-marathons.  And, I just need them back!  So, last week I started again....4 miles.  Not the biggest, but I could have continued on my path of doing absolutely nothing!  And with my knees (ITBS), I continuously feel that I have to be careful not to irritate it.  It's definitely a slow process.  So, for those of you that have asked me how I get started, this is it.  It's slow, it sucks, & I mentally am my worst enemy during the process.  When you want to quit, don't!  When your head is telling you your not going to do it, keep doing it.  It's really that easy!  But, it's really not!  In the end however, when I cross that finish line at a half-marathon, the reward you feel with yourself is beyond words.  No one can take that away.  My 3 medals will always be on my wall for display because I did one but me!  And one day, I will attempt to run a full marathon.  I might not finish, but attempting is half the battle!! 

Monday, March 19, 2012

Rainy March Day

Well today is the start of a weeks worth of raining.  I rushed home this morning from work to get our potatoes & onions in the ground.  This is the first year that we really are planning a nice little garden.  We decided with doing raised beds instead of the traditional row garden.  It will be small this year, but hopefully if we get the hang of it, each year we are going to add a couple more beds.  We got done just in time for the rain to start.  Pokey is gone this week to his real dad's hoo!  I miss him so much when he is gone.  During the summer when he is there for a couple weeks I find myself worrying incessantly about him.  That is the longest 2 weeks of my life!  It stinks that I get to miss out on each spring break with him....kind of unfair :( !  But, he is having a blast I'm sure so I just need to suck it up and get over it.  Maybe I'll clean his room and shampoo some carpets??  I guess we'll see how being stuck inside goes! 

My sweet little niece & I

Sunday, March 4, 2012


Yes I have a 10 year old child....and yes he is biologically mine from a previous marriage.  He is awesome!  I love him to little bitty pieces!!  Most would think that Chicken legs & I are crazy for trying to have another when Pokey is 10 years old.  A 10 yr difference....crazy I know!  Infertility is scary.  It sucks.  It takes your breath away and pisses you off every time you see or hold a brand new baby.  It is the LONGEST process and one of the most expensive things you can get yourself into.  It doesn't make you angry at your friend who just gave birth, but there's something deep within your heart that just aches.  And no one knows how you feel if they have not gone through it themselves.  Friends & family will be there for you but it always feels like the dark cloud in the room that no one wants to talk about.  Life goes on for others, but sometimes no matter how many years go by, it's at a standstill for you.  Now, I absolutely LOVE all of the babies that get born around please don't take this wrong if you are a part of my life!  It's certain people that really get me going...mothers who would rather do drugs than take care of their fetus....mothers & fathers who leave their children because they would rather party and have fun than being there....people who are emotionally & physically abusive to their children.  There are so many children in this world who are unwanted & it literally just breaks my heart.  They are unwanted but by-gosh, they sure are getting claimed every year on taxes or for their state assistance.  Yes, I went there!!  Those are the cases where I would like to go up to that parent & smack them right between the eyes.  But, you can't change genetics and you can't change how people were raised themselves.  You can only choose to be a better parent than that.  I think this is just a little thing God got wrong.  There is a whole mess of couples right now praying, hoping, and spending their savings accounts to have a baby when the odds are totally against them.  And when I say WHOLE, I mean it!  You don't realize the amount of people that are infertile until you are there yourself.  A few weeks ago, while sitting in the Endocrinologists waiting room, a couple that had just had twins brought them in for the nurses to see.  You should have seen the darts in the room being thrown at them.  It's rough!  Babies are a beautiful creation & just having one with no problem is a blessing from God.  But for couples that are infertile, having a baby is more than a blessing, it's a freaking miracle!!

Just a little quote I found that is neat~

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books,

but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.

I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.