Sunday, March 4, 2012


Yes I have a 10 year old child....and yes he is biologically mine from a previous marriage.  He is awesome!  I love him to little bitty pieces!!  Most would think that Chicken legs & I are crazy for trying to have another when Pokey is 10 years old.  A 10 yr difference....crazy I know!  Infertility is scary.  It sucks.  It takes your breath away and pisses you off every time you see or hold a brand new baby.  It is the LONGEST process and one of the most expensive things you can get yourself into.  It doesn't make you angry at your friend who just gave birth, but there's something deep within your heart that just aches.  And no one knows how you feel if they have not gone through it themselves.  Friends & family will be there for you but it always feels like the dark cloud in the room that no one wants to talk about.  Life goes on for others, but sometimes no matter how many years go by, it's at a standstill for you.  Now, I absolutely LOVE all of the babies that get born around please don't take this wrong if you are a part of my life!  It's certain people that really get me going...mothers who would rather do drugs than take care of their fetus....mothers & fathers who leave their children because they would rather party and have fun than being there....people who are emotionally & physically abusive to their children.  There are so many children in this world who are unwanted & it literally just breaks my heart.  They are unwanted but by-gosh, they sure are getting claimed every year on taxes or for their state assistance.  Yes, I went there!!  Those are the cases where I would like to go up to that parent & smack them right between the eyes.  But, you can't change genetics and you can't change how people were raised themselves.  You can only choose to be a better parent than that.  I think this is just a little thing God got wrong.  There is a whole mess of couples right now praying, hoping, and spending their savings accounts to have a baby when the odds are totally against them.  And when I say WHOLE, I mean it!  You don't realize the amount of people that are infertile until you are there yourself.  A few weeks ago, while sitting in the Endocrinologists waiting room, a couple that had just had twins brought them in for the nurses to see.  You should have seen the darts in the room being thrown at them.  It's rough!  Babies are a beautiful creation & just having one with no problem is a blessing from God.  But for couples that are infertile, having a baby is more than a blessing, it's a freaking miracle!!

Just a little quote I found that is neat~

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books,

but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.

I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

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